Permission

So, I have been making sure to allow more time to have heart to heart talks with the women closest to me. It is something I have needed deeply, and believe it or not, it is something I didn’t allow much time for during the majority of my life. It has truly fed my soul and kept me sane during some very rough times in my life lately.

I am still figuring out if the reason I didn’t make time for this before. Is it because I didn’t love me enough to give myself that time to socialize? Was I playing mommy martyr? Or is it because I was scared of a deep honest relationship? It’s probably all those things if I am being honest. However, here I am, working on me now, learning to be more honest with myself and see where I am holding myself back. It has been both beautiful and chaotic, but I would not change any of it. I am ready to examine things like this.

So, this morning, as I was taking the trash up, I got a word that I knew was from spirit. It was big, I could feel the importance of it, and I understood I was being asked to write about it today. (you like how I don’t get these deep insights during incense and meditation? - nope, this stuff comes to me during chores!!! I guess I zone out enough during my regular daily duties for communication to happen.) Anyhow, this word just rang right through me and touched on many things I have been dealing with.

The word was PERMISSION.

Permission is defined by Merriam-Webster as the act of permitting, formal consent, authorization. Synonyms are allowance, authorization, clearance and granting, to name a few.

Those are powerful words. I mean, look at them, they are really powerful. To give permission, puts you in a place of authority. Let that soak in for a minute. To give permission means you are in a place of authority.

So here is the big realization. Why do we look for permission outside of ourselves?

Take me for example, I did not made that extra time to feed my soul and get together with other women a priority before. I didn’t allow myself to bear my deepest fears and wishes with them. Why?

I felt I did not have permission.

I thought time for me was selfish. I felt like some of the feelings I was having were wrong. I felt I should be worrying about the kids feelings, my husband’s business and wellbeing…….I should be praying for starving children and injustice. (all these things ARE important, don’t get me wrong). I eventually needed a life coach to tell me that it was ok for me to do these things. SHE gave me permission. Today, many of you will read this, and this blog post will give you permission.

Here is the thing though, why are we looking to others to give us permission?

Permission should not come from outside of us! We are our own authority. We are the sole person who gives us permission. Permission. It is such a powerhouse of a word. I know that I am going to be using it in every situation this week.

I give myself permission to be sad about this event. I give myself permission to emotionally step away from this event. I give myself permission to take care of myself in this moment. I give myself permission to decide what is best for me, what I feel, what I do not like, to draw my boundaries. On and On, I think I love this word!

In speaking to my close friends lately, I see how this is such a theme for so many people. It is such a hurdle, to give ourselves permission for the things we need, or want. We can even hesitate to give ourselves permission to feel the emotions we have. How many times have you had an emotion or thought that was not “socially acceptable”?

Be honest, we all have them. So, what do we do? Most of us shove them down, ignore them, or beat ourselves us for even thinking such a thing. How about this, lets allow it, give ourselves permission to look at that thought or feeling, and see what it comes from. What is the root cause?

For me, with a house full of teens, I have days where I honestly understand how mothers can just leave their families. Now, it is not something I could ever really do, but that thought comes. So instead of punishing myself for it, I allow it. Why do I feel this way? I BET it’s because I am giving way more than I am receiving at the moment and feeling grossly overwhelmed. And you know what? That is OK. We are ALLOWED to feel that way. And by giving myself permission in that moment to examine that feeling, I can now see that I need some me time. A walk, some hot tea and quiet time, a phone call with a friend. I gave myself permission to be me- in all my chaotic glory. And I am not a bad mother for thinking that, the core was just that I needed to quiet down and take some time for me. I am a better mom when I do that. I am a calmer mom when I do that. It is a benefit to everyone involved (believe me, the other side of that is screamy, maybe even crying mommy!)

Once we take that power of permission back, its like a tidal wave of empowerment. We do not need permission from anyone but ourselves. It allows us to go within to find out what we like, what we need, what we stand for, and where we draw our lines and boundaries. When we love ourselves like we were created to, we are the BEST authority to govern ourselves.